“There is no try. There is only do.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Well, like in previous blogs I’ve told you all that we were going to the Infertility Doctor. However, right now Ian changed jobs recently and doesn’t have an insurance card yet. The last treatment Ian had was 9 months ago with the insemination of the vial/semen in July. There is no evidence that there is a pregnancy.

However, after we found out there was a good possibility of no pregnancy we looked into the foster to adopt through the New Jersey state. We went to Orientation in our county and now we are looking into renting a 2 bedroom house/apartment. So we can move forward with the training classes.

Since the miscarriage we have everything we need for an infant ranging from clothes, pack-n-play (monkey theme), bouncer(monkey theme), stroller (monkey theme), car seat (monkey theme), diaper bag, ect. Yesterday, we bought the final thing we needed for a 2 bedroom and that is a crib/toddler bed.

We are doing. We know that there will be this tiny face looking up at us. We know. We love that it is not only a thought anymore. We are doing.



A whole LOT has happened since last time….

Surprise our wedding took place, I’m Married! Since 12-13-14, I’ve been able to sign my new name to everything. Been very happy and oh yeah we are having a 2nd consult with the fertility doctor on April 20th. The 1st consult with the doctor was great and we were approved. The first vial never took and the second ended in a miscarriage. I was depressed for over a year and couldn’t even watch anything with babies. Within the past six months or so I’ve been able to watch things and like pictures on FB but it still bothers me and I will always remember. We found out on Christmas eve morning, right before we went over to my aunts house for the seven fishes that we were pregnant and the time your suppose to hear the heart beat of the baby we couldn’t in the ultrasound. It was devastating! I cried all the time! The doctor wanted to take the baby out but we let it happen naturally and it happened on a big trip we took and that made the trip memorable I guess. Let’s hope that this doesn’t end up the same way. I am waiting for babies crying in the near future, if you know what I mean. Our own babies.

Freaking Out! Wedding Planning…

Throughout our whole wedding planning process I have been at my wit’s end and it has been horrible. If I were to ever plan a wedding ever again, I would want to SPEND THE MONEY AND GET A WEDDING PLANNER. However, I would want to still be apart of all the decision making in everything.  Would I do get the wedding planner would be a different question though. I feel that throughout this whole thing that Ian is being a good sport and is taking my stress level as nothing. He is an awesome being.

Ian is awesome. I tell him to drive safely each day when he goes to work and I also tell him that I love him each day. He is my soul mate and I am so thankful that I have him in my life.

Sometimes my paranoia comes out and I am afraid that he will leave me but that soon subsides to what it is, paranoia. But we have been together since October 2010 and nothing has torn us apart.

  • Getting to know each other

( When he opens up to me I love it. We speak freely and we have great conversations. It has brought us closer too.)

  • Family

(His family and my family are great. The only thing that I wish that his family could respect his wishes and call him by his LEGAL name Ian, not by his old name.  Other than that family outings, dinners, and sometimes we just get together just to hang out.)

  • Friends

(All our friends are awesome :))

  • Work

(Ian is working 1 job and is looking for a 2nd.)

  • Money

(Money is tight.)

  • Time-Management
  • Losing Loved Ones
  • Ex-Relationships
  • Etc

I just needed someone other than a friend, who more likely than not will go back to Ian and let him know we talked to just pretty much vent to, even if it is a computer screen. A computer screen that publishes to the world. The world that pretty much skims over this entire thing I just thought about.  In despite of all of that it is better than going off on Ian for something he didn’t do and/or chewing herbal de-stressing gum.

Thanks for reading. Comment please.

Wedding Blog Turned Into An Educational Speech

I originally started this website to do a countdown to my fiance and my wedding. It was called M and I – 100 days to our wedding. However I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer. I’m an advocate respect of all people, whomever you are.

Someone on FB thought the situation with Joan Rivers was funny and I thought differently.


Also someone on here (wordpress.com) commented negatively on the Ryland story which made me change this blog.


This was my last straw!

It’s pretty bad that there is so much ignorance and discrimination still out in the world that a lot of people in the society that hate others and don’t want to be hated back.

If you want to learn more about transgender individuals then ask, read, watch movies or television and/or look up on the internet. I will even give you a glossary of terms you can look at right now to understand everything better.


I have seen if you understand the term you will use it and respect it.

If you want to learn more about kids that are LGBT and coming out. Here you go.


Just don’t write negatively or joke about something that isn’t funny.

I want to help others not hinder them.