Names & Pronouns are a great form of Respect

http://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/she-her-hers-pronoun-pins-handed-out-university-kansas-n700971

 

I know I walked out of Thanksgiving dinner because my husband did not deserve to be treated like he was on Thanksgiving. The person knew of his past, knew of his transition, knew of the name change and still two years after the fact still called him his birth name. No! Doesn’t work with me. I understand people try and they slip. But this person didnt even try. Let us change the way of thinking for everyone. Please try.

We had Christmas dinner and almost called it off because of how bad Thanksgiving got. We did not call it off. I was prepared on Christmas to do name tags and pronoun preferences on the bottom but it didn’t come to that. Actually everything went quite smoothly.

I wish I actually could receive some of those pins. I became more of an activist for the LGBTQ community in the past six years than most and I understand more trials and tribulations than ever.

Lesson learned:

1. Don’t assume – especially someone’s gender.

2. Don’t tell them you don’t pass

3. Call each person by their preferred name and pronoun

4. Respect Others

 

 

 

“There is no try. There is only do.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Well, like in previous blogs I’ve told you all that we were going to the Infertility Doctor. However, right now Ian changed jobs recently and doesn’t have an insurance card yet. The last treatment Ian had was 9 months ago with the insemination of the vial/semen in July. There is no evidence that there is a pregnancy.

However, after we found out there was a good possibility of no pregnancy we looked into the foster to adopt through the New Jersey state. We went to Orientation in our county and now we are looking into renting a 2 bedroom house/apartment. So we can move forward with the training classes.

Since the miscarriage we have everything we need for an infant ranging from clothes, pack-n-play (monkey theme), bouncer(monkey theme), stroller (monkey theme), car seat (monkey theme), diaper bag, ect. Yesterday, we bought the final thing we needed for a 2 bedroom and that is a crib/toddler bed.

We are doing. We know that there will be this tiny face looking up at us. We know. We love that it is not only a thought anymore. We are doing.

 

My Easter Wish

What is my Easter wish?

I know I have been gone for awhile but that is because I live where there is no WiFi availability. I only get a short while in the morning and sometimes at night to check my e-mail with my husband’s phone. My phone is prepaid and there is no data on it.

I would like to ask a huge favor of everyone that reads my blog. I recently became ahead of my father’s memorial scholarship. My father passed away on Earth Day, April 22, 2008 from Emphasyma. It was his wish for a scholarship in his name. The scholarship is at Highland Regional High School located in Blackwood, NJ senior student that graduates and continues their education with a C or better in each class.

I am asking if each and every one of you would help support our future’s education and buy/donate to a great cause.

That is my Easter wish.

Please share:

Please help the Daniel Pasquarello Memorial Scholarship Fund and buy a shirt today!

https://www.booster.com/daniel-pasquarello-memorial-scholarship-fundraiser?share=4941458510517598

“Last Words Are For Fools Who Havn’t Said Enough.”– Karl Marx

About 4 months ago I told you we had a second consultation with the fertility doctor. Well, yes we did get treatment back with the same people but again we tried two more times.  Both times it didnt take, :(. We were both upset. I think more me than him but we dont show our emotions the same so I dont know. All I know is that I did all the female things, I screamed, I cried, I vented, I was frustrated. I still to this day don’t understand, “Why?” However I do know that in the future we WILL HAVE a child. I do know that we have to stay POSITIVE. I do know that we have to look outside of our norm. I do know that we WILL ACHIEVE.

Like the title, you have to keep on fighting for what you believe in and what is right.

A whole LOT has happened since last time….

Surprise our wedding took place, I’m Married! Since 12-13-14, I’ve been able to sign my new name to everything. Been very happy and oh yeah we are having a 2nd consult with the fertility doctor on April 20th. The 1st consult with the doctor was great and we were approved. The first vial never took and the second ended in a miscarriage. I was depressed for over a year and couldn’t even watch anything with babies. Within the past six months or so I’ve been able to watch things and like pictures on FB but it still bothers me and I will always remember. We found out on Christmas eve morning, right before we went over to my aunts house for the seven fishes that we were pregnant and the time your suppose to hear the heart beat of the baby we couldn’t in the ultrasound. It was devastating! I cried all the time! The doctor wanted to take the baby out but we let it happen naturally and it happened on a big trip we took and that made the trip memorable I guess. Let’s hope that this doesn’t end up the same way. I am waiting for babies crying in the near future, if you know what I mean. Our own babies.

DIY Wedding Invitations

So today I have done a whole lot with the wedding.  We wrote out each individual address by hand on each envelope awhile ago. Stuffed each envelope with the appropriate things last night.  We stuff things like where to find the hotel we recommend and where we are registers, blah blah blah. Bought stamps today and put them on a completed invitation and the multiples I had after that but I had to get the right postage or it would have been kicked back and that would have been terrible. I never knew that until I went into the postal building and asked for stamps the first time. They told me that I needed a finalized invitation which I didn’t have and give it to them and they needed to weigh it and the size demensions, etc. Last night when we were stuffing the envelopes we came across two invitations that had no inserts, I was so frustrated. However, the printing company that I drove to today just printed them out FREE of charge because they were missing. Thank you! I feel like this invitation has been laying around the house forever. We just needed to print some papers and we don’t have a computer and/or printer at our home and I did’t feel comfortable doing it at the library so we had to ask a friend to do it. Otherwise we would have had it done at a printer with our invitations or a FedEx facility.  Thank you to that friend, you made this easier and it was quite fun doing it too.  So they were done, YAY! and I put the appropriate stamps on them to be put out in the mail. I feel like a whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders. On to the next wedding thing, Yippee! One thing down and next on the list.

Freaking Out! Wedding Planning…

Throughout our whole wedding planning process I have been at my wit’s end and it has been horrible. If I were to ever plan a wedding ever again, I would want to SPEND THE MONEY AND GET A WEDDING PLANNER. However, I would want to still be apart of all the decision making in everything.  Would I do get the wedding planner would be a different question though. I feel that throughout this whole thing that Ian is being a good sport and is taking my stress level as nothing. He is an awesome being.

Ian is awesome. I tell him to drive safely each day when he goes to work and I also tell him that I love him each day. He is my soul mate and I am so thankful that I have him in my life.

Sometimes my paranoia comes out and I am afraid that he will leave me but that soon subsides to what it is, paranoia. But we have been together since October 2010 and nothing has torn us apart.

  • Getting to know each other

( When he opens up to me I love it. We speak freely and we have great conversations. It has brought us closer too.)

  • Family

(His family and my family are great. The only thing that I wish that his family could respect his wishes and call him by his LEGAL name Ian, not by his old name.  Other than that family outings, dinners, and sometimes we just get together just to hang out.)

  • Friends

(All our friends are awesome :))

  • Work

(Ian is working 1 job and is looking for a 2nd.)

  • Money

(Money is tight.)

  • Time-Management
  • Losing Loved Ones
  • Ex-Relationships
  • Etc

I just needed someone other than a friend, who more likely than not will go back to Ian and let him know we talked to just pretty much vent to, even if it is a computer screen. A computer screen that publishes to the world. The world that pretty much skims over this entire thing I just thought about.  In despite of all of that it is better than going off on Ian for something he didn’t do and/or chewing herbal de-stressing gum.

Thanks for reading. Comment please.

Uncle and Neice Song

So, like I said in my previous post, this blog was originally made for my wedding posts. Meant for thoughts, expressions, questions and even joy.

I’ve been looking everywhere for a song for a wedding song for when my Uncle dances with me in December of this year. He will be walking me down the aisle because my dad passed away in 2008 of emphysema. I’ve always been an independent person however my uncle and aunt have celebratory times and to just check in on each other with me and my family.

I wanted the song between my uncle and I not to be a sad song but to have a connection. The only song that we both have a connection to is the song by Elton John – Daniel. Daniel was my dad’s name and it touched his heart as mine after my dad’s passing. But that is connected to my dad’s passing and to sadness and I don’t want that song in my wedding. I want it to be a brighter song.

Please can anyone out there give me any suggestions to a slow, not sad, where it tells my uncle thank you for always being there for me when I needed him? Thank you.

 

Wedding Blog Turned Into An Educational Speech

I originally started this website to do a countdown to my fiance and my wedding. It was called M and I – 100 days to our wedding. However I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer. I’m an advocate respect of all people, whomever you are.

Someone on FB thought the situation with Joan Rivers was funny and I thought differently.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/04/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/joan-rivers-michelle-obama-gay-transgender/index.html

Also someone on here (wordpress.com) commented negatively on the Ryland story which made me change this blog.

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/family-life/family-home/rylands-story-im-a-transgender-kid-20140604-39iky.html

This was my last straw!

It’s pretty bad that there is so much ignorance and discrimination still out in the world that a lot of people in the society that hate others and don’t want to be hated back.

If you want to learn more about transgender individuals then ask, read, watch movies or television and/or look up on the internet. I will even give you a glossary of terms you can look at right now to understand everything better.

http://transwhat.org/glossary/

I have seen if you understand the term you will use it and respect it.

If you want to learn more about kids that are LGBT and coming out. Here you go.

http://nccc.georgetown.edu/documents/LGBT_Brief.pdf

Just don’t write negatively or joke about something that isn’t funny.

I want to help others not hinder them.